bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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