You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
