Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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