forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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