im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
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