I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
