Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
