shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
