Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
3pm strippers are depressing
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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