maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
