just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
