I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
