she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
