i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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