Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just high enough for therapy.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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