I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
