The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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