I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
