On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
