If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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