can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
