i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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