So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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