u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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