My first STD was from a foam party
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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