i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
