So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
