did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize