tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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