Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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