I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
