Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
