I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize