I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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