OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
