i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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