I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
