A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
