I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
