Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
