i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
bring money and cleavage
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
