my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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