I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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