shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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