im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
