he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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