thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
