once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
