i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
