so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
