Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
