Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
