I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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