margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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