I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
