she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
