Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize