Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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