Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
