Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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