When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
