So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
