i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
