Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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