Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
