Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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