Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
