I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
