for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i think i just lost a toe
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
