Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
