i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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