I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize