i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i dont even know how to be here
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
